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Friday, June 8th, 2001
11:53 am - Nothin at all...
Nothins gone down so far today. I woke up extremely early thinkin I was late for school. Duh we dont have school anymore! We're now seniors! YES! Then layed out a little and went to pay on my car and saw my mom at work. Then came home and now Im doin nothin. My plans for last night got cancelled cause my family came over for dinner. But it was fun. Me and Angela went to Steak n Shake yesterday after I got out of school and Nicole and them were there. Nicole said theyd be there. Anyway - anyone want to do anything give me a call - I dont want to become a stranger to anyone over the summer! :) Sunday Im goin to Angela's grad party then headin off to work so I cant stay too long. I dont know what to get her though. Oh well Ill hopefully think of somethin. Well I g2g - talk to ya'll later!

current mood: energetic

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Wednesday, June 6th, 2001
8:47 pm - Another long day.....
Well, today I had to say goodbye to my grandpa. The hardest thing Ive ever done in my life. Last night was the visitation and that wasnt near as awful as the funeral was. I couldnt stop crying. For anyone who has lost a grandparent, you know what Im talking about. Im goin to miss him sooo much! He looked good though for everything that he has been through. The accident and everything. For as young as I am, I have been through 3 deaths. My uncle, grandma and grandpa. And out of all those I think my grandpa is the hardest to deal with. It was hard on me with my grandma too but I was younger then and didnt really understand the idea of not ever getting to see her again. I had a bad dream last night. Well I shouldnt say bad cause in ways its great and in some ways its bad. The dream was that my grandpa fought off everything that was wrong with him and he turned out to be ok except the fact that he couldnt walk and he had to use a wheelchair. It was good in the sense that he was ok and lived but I woke up and knew it was bad because he wouldnt have wanted to live that way. And now hes in a better place where he can walk and be with my grandma. Its crazy. Then one of the preachers that was there today, John, said that one day, that is going to be us up there and everyone will be coming to out funeral. Thats scary to think about. But I hope thats a long way down that road. They arrested that lady that hit my grandpa today but she got out on bail. Her bail was set at $27,000 but to get out you only have to pay 10% of that so she only paid $2,700. So her arraignment is Friday. Thats all bye.

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Tuesday, June 5th, 2001
11:17 am - Hmmm.. bad day.
Last night I had to go to the mall and get a dress to wear for tomorrow. I have to go to my grandpas funeral. :( And tonight is the visitation. Its very hard to go and buy clothes when youre not in the right mood. There is a great article in the Cincinnati Enquirer today about the accident if anyone wants to read it. I think it was on B3 - but I could be wrong. Last Saturday I went with Angela to see Pearl Harbor - thanx again for payin my way ;). It was one of the best movies I have ever seen. I loved it. Ben Affleck and Josh Harnett are extremely hott too! :) Gotta love that - so I had no problem sitting there for 3 hours watching those honeys on the big screen. Ha. Anyways - I better go - Ill talk to you all later! Call me if you want to. Id be happy to talk to ya! Even the guy who already has another woman. He works fast I guess.

current mood: moody

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Monday, May 21st, 2001
10:47 am - There will be a lot of changes
I know that I havent written in a long time but thats because I have been occupied with other much more important things. Thursday about 3:45 my grandpa was going to get his mail and got hit by a car. So I have been at the hospital ever since Thursday night. I am so scared for him and I dont know whats really going to happen. Almost every bone in his body is broken which is extremely scary considering his age. He is 70. Both of his legs are pretty much shattered but they have metal screws in both of the legs to keep the bones straight which will help them to heal. His pelvis is pretty much shattered and it was bleeding pretty badly. But now they have the bleeding under control and he has to get a part of his pelvis replaced. His left arm in broke right above the elbow and right below the shoulder. The ball in his shoulder is also shattered and is going to have to be replaced. His right hand thumb is broke and his elbow is swollen pretty badly. He has some marks on his neck which we are guessing is road rash but we're not sure yet. He has 3 broken vertebreas in his neck and some broken ones in his back which isnt anything too major at this point. His face has a lot of stitches in it cause it got busted pretty badly. His nose and ear has stitches in them as well. He has some lacerations on his head which they have been trying to get under control. His left eyelid pretty much came off and they had to sew his eye together so he will definetly lose sight in that eye. They dont think he will actually lose the eye but he just wont be able to see out of it. Yesterday he got a new bed put in his room and it turns him sideways so that the fluid in his lungs will move and not just sit there. He is responding pretty well to that and it seems to be helping him. Its hard to go in there and talk to him now because every 5 minutes he rolls to the other side so you have to keep switching sides. Today they are supposed to take him down to the OR and operate on him a little. There is a gash in his leg from where the bone came through that they are worried about getting infected so they are going to clean that out for the 2nd time and try to close up the gash cause he keeps bleeding from it. They made an insicion in his belly so they could see if he was internally bleeding which he wasnt so thats good but now hes losing blood and fluid through his belly. They put a bad over his opening in his belly for all that fluid to go into. They are also going to try and fix his shoulder today in surgery if everything goes well and they might try to fix that thing in his pelvis. They have to watch his blood lose very carefully cause theyve already given him a considerable amount of blood and other liquids for his blood. They are giving him a continuos amount of morophine. The count is at 2. I really dont know what that means but its good that he doesnt really feel the pain that much. Ive seen him get ajatated once when the nurses tried to roll him onto his left side. He started moving his arms everywhere and his blood pressure and pulse shot up a lot. So that was scary to see but he is responding a lot better now. Yesterday the nurse gave him coffee to see how he responded to that and he kind of moved his mouth and his tongue. Right now hes not really responding a lot but that may be because hes sleeping a lot or somethin along those lines. Ive seen him with his eyes open for the first time yesterday. Me and my cousin Leigha were in there with him and he eye was open, he was blinking and he was holding our hands. He hasnt really woke up yet but the nurses tell us to just keep talking to him because slowly he is improving and getting better. Well hes staying the same for the most part but the good news is that hes not getting any worse. Right now they are just trying to keep him comfortable and now he has to declare himself which means he has to decide if he wants to fight this or give up. Its all up to him and the big guy upstairs. Its out of our control right now. We just have to be there with him and talk to him. Its very hard for me to talk to him and I havent really said much. I just go in there usually with Leigha and she talks to him a lot. I think it was Friday night me and Aunt Donna went in there to talk to him and the doctor came in and talked to us. I thought we should leave and go tell out family what the doctor had to say so we started to leave. All of a sudden my Aunt pulls my arm really hard and starts sayin "Oh my god, oh my god." So I asked her what was wrong and she pointed to a bad on the floor under the curtains. In the bag were his clothes that he was wearing when he got hit. Needless to say they had a lot of blood on them from the hit and we just asked the nurses to throw them away. We had to pick up his wallet and keys at security when we got to the hospital Thursday night. I got to the hospital about 7 and we didnt even get to see him until 12. Friday was a bad day because thats when he started to get swollen and look really bad. Yesterday they had his old bed up a little so all the fluid ran out of his head and he looked a lot better. But now with the new bed, he is lying flat again and his head was swollen last night again. I hate when that happens because he looks so bad and like someone that I dont even know. There is a lot of things that I want to talk to him about but I am too scared. And I dont want to scare him because of how I feel. Last night they had country music playing in his room because he loves country music. And they had to TV on for him but it was just a security cam. I am going up to the hospital to see him today after I get out of school and I cant wait. I wanted to spend the night there last night but my mom wouldnt let me. I dont think she really had a problem with me stayin there I just think she wanted me home with her cause she was so tired and couldnt stay. Plus she wanted me to come to school today which I did but its really hard when I dont want to be here and I want to be somewhere else. Anywhere but here or alone. I havent got any sleep the last 4 nights cause everytime I close my eyes I see things that I dont want to see. And if I sleep for awhile I start to have nightmares which really scare me. Last night I did fine until about 4 and then I had to go get my mom cause I was scared to be alone and Im scared for my grandpa. I know he shouldnt feel alone cause we're with him all the time but I think he will be scared when he finally does wake up and when he does realize how long hes been asleep and how much time hes missed and everything thats wrong with him. And Im also scared that he wont remember me. I hope he does but thats a big fear of mine. Sometimes when I go into to see him it makes me feel a little bit better knowing that he will hold our hands and will blink his eyes but for the most part I am just sad, depressed, confused and scared. I have to go now but I will defintely keep everyone updated because it is easier to type things like this then to talk about them. If you want to get ahold of me, feel free too, I would love to talk to you. Please pray for him and keep him in your thoughts. Thank you.

current mood: exhausted

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Thursday, May 3rd, 2001
10:27 pm - .
First of all Chad I dont care if you think Im a bitch that doesnt bother me, second of all I am NOT a whore and third I am NOT going to waste my time saying anything to your face. I hate you and I never EVER want to talk to you again. And as for you Amanda I do have somethin to say to you. You are incredibly stupid for letting Chad lie to you - he has lied to you so much and to everyone else. I dont want him back - thinkin of him makes me sick. AND I never wrote anything about you in the bathroom so quit sayin that I did. You 2 need to mind your own business and leave me alone cause I want nothing to do with either of you.

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Wednesday, May 2nd, 2001
9:56 pm - The one you've been waitin for....
I know Ive made some bad decisions in my life but for the first time in a long time, I feel like I am making an extremely great decision. I think I am actually making a decision that could do me a lot of good. Its involving a person. Angela, you know who Im talkin about. I really like him, at first I was too afraid to admit it to myself because I didnt want to make a wrong decision but I realize he is good for me. And he makes me feel good about myself which is important because its been a LONG time since a guy has been able to do that for me. Oh god I dont know why Im writing all this for everyone to read when you dont even know who Im talkin about - I just had to let it out. I guess Ill shut up now. Bye.

current mood: loved

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Tuesday, May 1st, 2001
11:27 am - And another thing...
I also wanted to add that I think Chad is the biggest asshole I know! Have a great day!

current mood: bouncy

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11:22 am - School Daze...
I am at school, 4th period and Angela isnt here. Wonder why? We're goin to Bdubs tonight - Joey was supposed to come but he has track so its lookin like me Angela and Bryan. Oh well good times will be had by all so its all good. My car is getting fixed today. My breaks are about to go out so I had to get it fixed. I guess you could say that neons suck! Cause Ive already had to get 2 things fixed on it. :( Oh well. Me and Angela named it. Its name is Lula - lol we're dorks! Oh well. Prom is in about a week and a half and I am so ready for it. I am more excited about goin this year then I was at all last year so thats good I guess. I still have to go get my shoes and my jewlery and such. Gotta get my nails redone too - you know all that good girly stuff. Well its time for lunch so I guess I had better go - talk to you all later! BYEBYE!

current mood: bouncy

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Monday, April 9th, 2001
7:21 am - Time for school!
Hey, its almost time to go to school but I was bored and thought Id write a little somethin while i was waiting to leave. Well, 4 more days till Im in Panama. I cant wait. Theres a huge reason Panama is gonna be great - and that reason is Chad. I just looking forward to spending time with him. We're gonna have a lot of fun. Well, not just me and him but everyone. This is probably the last time I write before we leave so maybe Ill update sometime after we come back. Cya all later! BYE!

current mood: bored

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Friday, April 6th, 2001
10:48 am - SPRING BREAK
HEY! Whats up everyone? Nothin here - but at school....Chad isnt here today. Missed walkin and talkin with him. Me and Angela went out to breakfast this morning. It was fun, good, and gave us some time to talk. Well beings that my heading was Spring Break I think you can tell that I am VERY excited about it....Panama for a week with friends. Sounds great. And also getting to know Chad better - it will give us a lot of time to be together and talk some more. But I really cant wait. But I have to go and get back to work. Just thought I would write a little update. Byebye!

current mood: energetic

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Thursday, March 1st, 2001
10:33 am - Shake that ass!
Sittin here with Angela and Dustin....thanks to whoever wrote that comment on here yesterday. But I was NOT thinking about getting a job at Bristols. Whoever wrote that is a complete dumb ass! I mean seriously - why would I want a job there...just so a bunch of guys can watch me dance around - sounds fun huh?!? But thats not me! So thanks for the comment but I really dont need your dumb ass advice. And I know who you are.....so dont think I dont.

current mood: crazy

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Wednesday, February 28th, 2001
11:13 am - school days
hey all this is heidi and angela YAY. Were sitting in photography, dropping bombs? atleast thats what heidi says (shes alittle odd).

I NEED A JOB!!!!! any suggestions?

current mood: horny

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Monday, February 5th, 2001
3:42 pm - Well well well....
It has been while....hasnt it? Well my life has changed dramatically....kinda weird. Im with Matt now and hes really great. Never has a mean thing to say and is always sooo sweet. Its kind of hard to imagine someone like that - but you know everyone does have flaws. ;) Even my perfect friend ANGELA lol. ;) Anyways... gosh I thought I had so much to say but I guess not. I had a lot on my mind but I think its better that I dont say them on here cause I dont want everyone who reads this to know. Maybe some other time. But I g2g me and Angela are gonna go see a movie! BYEBYE!

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Monday, October 16th, 2000
7:39 pm - Love
This has been going on for days. I feel like Im fighting a never ending battle with myself. And I dont know how much more I can take of it. Its been the ups and downs this past week and I cant stand it. I hate emotional roller coasters. And thats exactly wats goin on with me right now. One minute everything around me will be fine and the next everything is downhill and Im finding myself trying to work bak up to the top again. And hardly any of this is anyone elses fault but my own. Its just the feelings I have that are so strong and I get my feelings hurt easily I guess. I mean, today I was thinking about the big L word, LOVE. I was thinkin to myself how I really know if I love someone. Well, I love my family and Chad. And it brought tears to my eyes to think about that fact that I know I love them all because I cant picture my life without any of them. And that scared me a lot. Because wat if one day, one of them dies or moves away or somethin like that, then wat do i do? I cant picture my life without any of them so wat would I do without them? It made me cry to just think of that. Especially with my mom and Chad. Over the last 2 years, my mom and Chad have made the biggest impact of my life then I thought ever possible. I was always independent and never went to anyone for advice cause I solved my problems on my own, but now my mom and Chad are like my guardian angels. Everything is always better whenever 1 of them 2 are around. Without them I dont think I would be where I am at now. Im scared to ever think of wat I would be like now without them. I know Chad doesnt think that I look at him this way really, but I do. He means so much to me and I feel like I could die if anything ever happened to him or between me and him. I pray every night that God will not take away these 2 people from me cause I need them so much. And right now, my mom and Chad are the only 2 things that I am certain about. Everything else is so unclear to me and confusing - my emotions towards everything.

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Wednesday, August 23rd, 2000
2:08 pm - Heartbreaker you've got the best of me...
Well guys...nothin much goin on today just about to get ready for work. TUMBLEWEEDS in Hamilton from 4-8 if anyone wants to stop by and see me! :) Well everyone, I thought I was happy, I seriously did...but after last night, things have changed a little. Im still happy with myself and everything but things have gone on around me that made me a little upset. Its other peoples actions and not my own so theres not really anything I can do about it. Hopefully they wont do it again...Skool is starting and u know wat that means - HOMECOMING!! YEA! j/k - im not that excited yet. Well, still looking for people to go to the game Thursday. Byebye!

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Tuesday, August 22nd, 2000
9:59 pm - Another night....
Well, found out my girl just got in trouble and is in trouble for 2 months! Sux! Well, the game is Thursday night and I have no clue at all who Im goin with... :( Anyone wanna go, let me know... Went to Bw3s tonight with Waylon, Llyod, Amber and Dan. It was fun! Had some car troubles on the way home though..hehe..Llyod drove! HAHA! Well, not much else to say guess I'll talk to everyone later. And dont forget if u wanna go to the game, let me know!

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Monday, August 21st, 2000
9:23 pm - We arent what we ought to be, we arent what we're goin to be, we arent what we want to be...
But thank god we're not what we used to be. Everyone changes at one point in their lives. Its a must. And my time has been here - Ive changed. Believe it or not. Maybe thats why Im so happy? Cause Ive changed. :)

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5:34 pm - hey, long time
Well, I think most of you would be happy for me. Im finally happy once again. And this is wat Ive been waiting for all summer. No, I havent got wat I wanted yet, but regardless, Im happy. :) Im currently trying to help out a friend - trying to make them happy again like I have for myself. I dont know if its working or not, but the key thing is that Im trying really hard. I hope they appreciate it and see wat Im trying to do for them. :) If they dont realize it now, hopefully they will someday. Well, dont really know wat else to write. I quit KI the other day. But it was nothing, Ive been wanting to quit for a while now. Me and Angela got jobs at Tumbleweeds and its actually a great job. We have fun together and I think beings that we work together now, it just makes it that much more fun. :) Yea, went with Angela Saturday night to go see Nate in Oxford. His dorm is pretty kool. I cant wait to go to college and have no rules. But its for the best right now that I do have rules. :) I seriously dont know wat else to say and Im rambling on about nothing at all so Im gonna go.

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Tuesday, August 15th, 2000
12:30 am - i never said that
Ok, I just need to know one thing...why is it that when u tell a person how u feel, they do nothing but when u dont let them know and they think u dont care, they show they care? Is it because of the fear of loss or wat? I dont understand. Youd think that if someone was afraid to lose someone then they would let them know how they feel. Or at least tell the truth about their feelings. Wats on my mind right now is if the feelings im bein told are real or not. I want so bad to believe theyre real, but i cant. And since I cant, I need time to deal. Meaning kinda away from this person and their feelings. Maybe if they feel a certain way, they should SHOW IT or else risk losing somethin they claim they dont wanna lose or push away...somethin to think about!

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Sunday, August 13th, 2000
1:05 am - people!
Ok, someone just told my best friend today that her EX was the best thing to happen to her. I disagree. The best thing that could happen to anyone is the point in time when they find out who they are on the inside and accept themselves and love themselves. THats the best thing that can happen to anyone. And I know most people agree with that cause its TRUE. No man, or woman should be the best thing to happen to u. Sure, that make u happy and ur life seem great, BUT think if you didnt love urself or know who u really are, they couldnt love u either. And people get hurt all the time, thus proving members of the opposite sex ARE NOT the best thing that can happen to anyone. Having someone say that to my best friend and seeing her in pain like this really ticks me off. And to u, the one who told her that, if u read this, think before u speak. Obviously u dont know much about life or its meaning to say such a stupid thing. THe best thing to come out of that situation is the fact that shes learned sooo much about relationships and knows wat to look for. Shes grown and matured - not because of her EX but because she is finding herself. So to those who think exactly like this STUPID person does, think again because love isnt always there for u and neither are guys or gurls....but u are always there for urself! And thats the most important and best thing to understand!

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